Lonely night

Sitting at home in X'mas Day is quite bored and lonely... Seeing everyone having their plans and dates, made me more boring and frustrating...

Besides tv, Internet is my best friend whenever I'm bored. Surfing the net, listening to the music, is very relaxing and soothing. But when it reached Edwin McCain's I Could Not Ask For More, made me to have a deep thought....

Last year's X'mas, I was still able to have hopes and companion... remembering how I chose and bought presents for him.. birthday + X'mas... It was such a happy moment, although we weren't able to touch each other.. thought I was lucky to be able to find him... though, it was all wrong and messed up.

Still having thoughts of him is not a good thing, should get rid of it soon. But memories, are such miraculous and funny things. Unable to control my thoughts made me go crazy most of the times... I'm sorry to those if I happen to be rude and offended your feelings...

Whether it's because I'm naive or stupid, I have to move on. It's so easy to say, but when you're in that shoes, everything goes so difficult. It took me quite awhile to get over it, and somehow, once in awhile, it will still pop up out of no where.

It's my toughness, rudeness, evilness that brought me to this situation. Would there be someone, who like my toughness, rudeness and evilness? It's really difficult.

Eventhough friends and families are around, but they wont be by your side at every moment. They all have their plans and activities going on anyway... Just wish I could be more independent and generous with good heart and patience.



-Jenn a.k.a. blueyfetes-
a lonely x'mas again